Position Vacant: Australian Cricket Captain

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Sports and All - November 2008

Position Vacant: Australian Cricket Captain

November 12th 2008 00:36

Wanted: Highly motivated and ambitious cricketer, willing to lead from behind, excellent at taking orders (Bourbon and Beefsteak for me, poison for the wife), speaks only when spoken to and happy to toe the lion... sorry, I mean dragon... no, make that BCCI.

Must have proven ability to meet deadlines and knowledge of which worker is most suited to a particular task. Also desirable is an ability to perform tasks without being allocated the correct resources and personell.

The successful candidate will have a broad understanding of religion and a demonstrated capability to adapt their style when dealing with the religious and cultural aspects of touring life. In particular, an ability to negotiate offspinners of the Sikh faith and fast bowlers who may bear a passing resemblance to Jesus is highly desirable.

Applications to Cricket Australia before the next time we play India.

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Posted By: damian - Category: No Category

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Comments

12 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Chris Champion

November 12th 2008 00:43

moneywhither
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
NewlyOld
The Blog of Lists

Bring back Kim Hughes

Comment by damian

November 12th 2008 00:59

Urban Telegraph
Sports and All
The Squirter McGee Diaries

Chris, you make an excellent point. It's about time for another tearful resignation. Anyway, Australian cricket has been too apolitical since Heals was forced out.

Comment by Norm

November 12th 2008 01:01

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

There's an interesting trivia question. Which Australian fast-bowler with a beard has taken the most test scalps?

Comment by Norm

November 12th 2008 01:02

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

Jesus, Heals! I nearly forgot him.

Comment by damian

November 12th 2008 01:06

Urban Telegraph
Sports and All
The Squirter McGee Diaries

I don't think Lillee ever went the whole hog, I think he only had a bit of a carpet lining his stiff upper lip so I'm not sure if that counts. As for Gillespie, do the wickets taken sans beard count towards his tally, or only those taken while he actually had a beard?

Apart from that I'm at a loss to remember the last Australian fast bowler who had a beard!

Comment by Norm

November 12th 2008 01:26

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

The wickets only count with the beard and on that point Lillee had one on the '81 Ashes Tour and he took about 30 wickets for the series.
Ray Bright had one, but was slow at best. I'd like to know a % of Australians alive or dead who've sported beards and then find out how that relates to the % of bearded players capped.
I'd reckon the bearded would suffer discrimination, not to mention itch.

Comment by damian

November 12th 2008 01:31

Urban Telegraph
Sports and All
The Squirter McGee Diaries

I may have to do some research into this subject and see what I come up with.

Comment by Norm

November 12th 2008 01:36

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

It's vital that you do. I'd like to know the shaving habits of the Women's XI too.

Comment by David Edwards

November 12th 2008 02:03

Sporting Mind

Didn't Fred Spofforth have a beard?

I think Trevor Chappell had a beard in the 1981 one-dayer against NZ. Or maybe that was just brother Greg.

Let's just agree that the last Australian fast bowler to have a beard was Helen Smith, the early 90s opening bowler.

Comment by Norm

November 12th 2008 02:16

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

Greg had one, in that game, at least. It's largely the reason why 'the bearded' have suffered such a prickly response from the Establishment. Therein lies the solution. Who was the last selector with one?

Spofforth had the handlebars. He may well have ventured out into beard-country, which may explain his early 'retirement'.

Comment by Norm

November 12th 2008 11:16

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

Max Kruger just sent me an email in which he'd like to apologise for misleading anyone into believing Dennis Keith Lillee ever played with a beard. Subsequently, I have accepted his resignation and pass on his unreserved emabarrassment. Thank-you for your time.

Comment by damian

November 12th 2008 23:43

Urban Telegraph
Sports and All
The Squirter McGee Diaries

Personally, I would have made Joe the cameraman the scapegoat. Channel 9 isn't the same without big Kerry pulling the strings...

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