damianNielsen tells players: DON'T PANIC!
October 24th 2008 10:46
In the wake of his team's crushing defeat to India in Mohali, Australian coach Tim Nielsen had some simple and straightforward advice for his players as they rest up before the third test: don't panic.
Reactions to this wise counsel from within the team were varied. "Don't panic? That's easy for you to say" Ricky Ponting spluttered incredulously. "'The way my attack is bowling I may as well fly in Scott Muller for a game", he continued, a remark which was later attributed to Richie Benaud's hairdresser for the benefit of the public. Not convinced, Scott Muller proceeded to Climb K2 in the morning and Everest in the afternoon, with one hand tied behind his back. When he reached the summit just before tea, despite an appeal against the light by his Sherpas, he turned to Joe the Cameraman, who was covering the climb for Al-Jazeera, and said "that's two for the day, Warney". Warne promptly replied with a text message saying how much he had enjoyed Muller's sister the night before, which Muller forwarded to Simone and various media outlets, thus having the last laugh in the matter.
Michael 'pup' Clarke quickly jumped in to support his captain. "I agree with 'Punna'", he shouted. "Why, a monkey could do better than our bowlers!" Upon hearing this, Andrew 'Roy' Symonds, who had been following the tour from a broom cupboard in the Indian dressing room, leapt out and collected Harbhajan Singh hook, line and sinker with a massive hip-and-shoulder. Fortunately, at that moment Sachin Tendulkar returned from visiting his ailing grandmother at deep fine leg to defuse the tension. He explained to Symonds that Harbhajan had actually been singing happy birthday to Virender Sehwag in Hindi, which by pure coincidence sounds remarkably similar to "Andrew Symonds is a monkey" in English.
After a stand-off between the two teams that lasted some minutes, it was the ever reliable Michael 'Mr Cricket' Hussey who chirped up. "Let's just focus on the game boys", he said as he herded the Australian team back towards the team bus. Anxious not to fight a war on two fronts, Indian captain Anil Kumble appeared somewhat relieved to have somehow extricated himself from the situation without losing face as he scurried back to stare down Shoab Malik from the edge of the disputed area of the dressing room.This area had been in dispute ever since, during the England tour of India the previous summer, the ECB unilaterally began renovating the home team's dressing room and awarded one corner of it to the Pakistanis in exchange for a handful of mints.
Always looking for an opportunity to rub some salt in the wounds of the Aussies, Kevin Pietersen saw his chance. Throwing off the rather large white beach towel that had served as his disguise, Pietersen burst into the dressing room and with a deft flick of the hand scattered these mints across the floor. The Australian bowling attack, hitherto content gnawing away on some bones, now suddenly caught the scent of reverse swing and scrambled frantically around the floor in a desperate attempt to locate the mints.
All the while Nielsen looked on, shaking his head and swearing profusely, before storming off to put $50 on India for the third test.
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Comment by Norm
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Comment by David Edwards
Sporting Mind
Poor Scotty Muller can't take a break, can he?