damianWho is your favourite sporting cult-hero?
October 29th 2008 03:59
Here are my top 5:
5. Dwayne Leverock
Son of a former Norweigian Prime Minister and daughter of an English thoroughbred racehorse, Dwayne Leverock, who has been known to perform sultry jazz ballads in local bars under the moniker 'MrsThatcher' was originally ridiculed in Bermuda for the exceptionally light tone of his skin. All that changed one day when, during a school performance of Hansel and Gretel, Leverock, playing the tween heartthrob Hansel, was left in the cauldron too long and accidentally overcooked.
Upon exiting the cauldron, it was discovered that Dwayne's skin was now black, enabling him not to be taken seriously as a sportsman. He subsequently embarked on a string of record-breaking achievements in various Bermudan sporting arenas, culminating in his appearance in the 2007 cricket world cup. During the first few games, he was somewhat of an immovable object, occasionally imparting some revolutions on the ball, but otherwise remaining mostly still in a trance-like state. Then, all of a sudden while standing at first slip against India, Leverock caught sight of the ball flying in his direction off the edge of Robin Uthappa's bat. Initially mistaking it for a roast chicken, Leverock hurled himself through the air and came up with one of the most spectacular one-handed slips catches you will ever see.
4. Eric the Eel
Spurned in his native Chechnya for an ill-fated love affair with a high-profile television presenter, Eric Moussombani relocated to Equatorial Guinea after briefly spending time in London where he applied to play the part of Manuel in Fawlty Towers, only to be informed that the series had been recorded 15 years ago. Determined to put this setback behind him, he started training in a twenty-metre hotel pool eight months before the 2000 Sydney Olympics and qualified for the games through a wildcard system, despite failing to meet the minimum requirements. Over the ensuing weeks before the start of the games, Eric trained diligently in between love affairs with a string of high-profile blondes and came into the games full of confidence after reeling of a number of PB's in his last handful of training sessions.
Despite a time in his heat of over twice what the other competitors were swimming, Moussombani made it through to the finals after both the other swimmers in his heat were disqualified. He then proceeded to come dead last, but set a new national record for his adopted homeland in the process and became a media darling for at least having a crack, earning the nickname 'eric the eel'. In the aftermath of Sydney, Moussombani was determined to be taken seriously as an athlete by the global media. He signed up Shane Warne to act as his coach, who was at that time serving a one year drug-related ban from cricket, and under Warne's guidance established a strict training regime, swearing off swimming and concentrating only on blondes.
Once Warne resumed playing cricket, Moussombani was forced to reasess his training, this time giving up blondes and concentrating on swimming, slashing his time from Sydney virtually in half. Unfortunately due to a visa mix-up, 'Eric the half-decent swimmer' was shielded from the global spotlight in Athens and thus remained 'Eric the eel'.
3. Steven Bradbury
A brilliant chess strategist in a previous life, Bradbury took up ice skating after winning a Don Bradman lookalike contest in his home country of North Korea. After enlisting in the DPRK armed forces as an intelligence operative, he was sent to Australia to infiltrate the fledgling speed-skating scene and report back on the possibility of using it as a Trojan Horse to mount Communist insurrection in Australia.
Bradbury quickly established a reputation as a heavy drinker, and would often invite his opponents out for a bender the night before a big race. It was exactly this tactic that would serve him well during his Olympic campaign as, race after race, Bradbury sat at the back of the field and waited for the effects of the alcohol to take their toll on the other competitors. Then, once they had all fallen over, Bradbury waltzed through to claim victory.
Upon winning his gold medal, Bradury was awarded the highest honour possible by the Australian government and taken off the ASIO list of terrorist suspects.
2. Sally Robbins
More of a cult Villain than cult hero, Robbins nonetheless gets my vote for advertising to the world the great Australian tradition of sleeping on the job!
1. Colin 'funky' Miller
Known generally in the cricketing world as a bit of a larrakin, Miller came late to the game after first studying for the priesthood and then undertaking a number of jobs that ended in 'ologist'. After the Iran-Contra affair, Miller gradually became disillusioned with religious life and started to write Mills and Boon novels, before his cricketing abilities came to the attention of the national selectors.
Renowned for taking the field with crazy hair colours, Miller revealed in his autobiography that he would actually call up the national terrorism hotline each morning and change his hair colour according to the current level of threat. Upon retirement, Miller moved to Nicaragua where he lives as a fish.
5. Dwayne Leverock
the big fella from bermuda
Son of a former Norweigian Prime Minister and daughter of an English thoroughbred racehorse, Dwayne Leverock, who has been known to perform sultry jazz ballads in local bars under the moniker 'MrsThatcher' was originally ridiculed in Bermuda for the exceptionally light tone of his skin. All that changed one day when, during a school performance of Hansel and Gretel, Leverock, playing the tween heartthrob Hansel, was left in the cauldron too long and accidentally overcooked.
Upon exiting the cauldron, it was discovered that Dwayne's skin was now black, enabling him not to be taken seriously as a sportsman. He subsequently embarked on a string of record-breaking achievements in various Bermudan sporting arenas, culminating in his appearance in the 2007 cricket world cup. During the first few games, he was somewhat of an immovable object, occasionally imparting some revolutions on the ball, but otherwise remaining mostly still in a trance-like state. Then, all of a sudden while standing at first slip against India, Leverock caught sight of the ball flying in his direction off the edge of Robin Uthappa's bat. Initially mistaking it for a roast chicken, Leverock hurled himself through the air and came up with one of the most spectacular one-handed slips catches you will ever see.
4. Eric the Eel
Spurned in his native Chechnya for an ill-fated love affair with a high-profile television presenter, Eric Moussombani relocated to Equatorial Guinea after briefly spending time in London where he applied to play the part of Manuel in Fawlty Towers, only to be informed that the series had been recorded 15 years ago. Determined to put this setback behind him, he started training in a twenty-metre hotel pool eight months before the 2000 Sydney Olympics and qualified for the games through a wildcard system, despite failing to meet the minimum requirements. Over the ensuing weeks before the start of the games, Eric trained diligently in between love affairs with a string of high-profile blondes and came into the games full of confidence after reeling of a number of PB's in his last handful of training sessions.
Despite a time in his heat of over twice what the other competitors were swimming, Moussombani made it through to the finals after both the other swimmers in his heat were disqualified. He then proceeded to come dead last, but set a new national record for his adopted homeland in the process and became a media darling for at least having a crack, earning the nickname 'eric the eel'. In the aftermath of Sydney, Moussombani was determined to be taken seriously as an athlete by the global media. He signed up Shane Warne to act as his coach, who was at that time serving a one year drug-related ban from cricket, and under Warne's guidance established a strict training regime, swearing off swimming and concentrating only on blondes.
Once Warne resumed playing cricket, Moussombani was forced to reasess his training, this time giving up blondes and concentrating on swimming, slashing his time from Sydney virtually in half. Unfortunately due to a visa mix-up, 'Eric the half-decent swimmer' was shielded from the global spotlight in Athens and thus remained 'Eric the eel'.
3. Steven Bradbury
A brilliant chess strategist in a previous life, Bradbury took up ice skating after winning a Don Bradman lookalike contest in his home country of North Korea. After enlisting in the DPRK armed forces as an intelligence operative, he was sent to Australia to infiltrate the fledgling speed-skating scene and report back on the possibility of using it as a Trojan Horse to mount Communist insurrection in Australia.
Bradbury quickly established a reputation as a heavy drinker, and would often invite his opponents out for a bender the night before a big race. It was exactly this tactic that would serve him well during his Olympic campaign as, race after race, Bradbury sat at the back of the field and waited for the effects of the alcohol to take their toll on the other competitors. Then, once they had all fallen over, Bradbury waltzed through to claim victory.
Upon winning his gold medal, Bradury was awarded the highest honour possible by the Australian government and taken off the ASIO list of terrorist suspects.
2. Sally Robbins
More of a cult Villain than cult hero, Robbins nonetheless gets my vote for advertising to the world the great Australian tradition of sleeping on the job!
1. Colin 'funky' Miller
Known generally in the cricketing world as a bit of a larrakin, Miller came late to the game after first studying for the priesthood and then undertaking a number of jobs that ended in 'ologist'. After the Iran-Contra affair, Miller gradually became disillusioned with religious life and started to write Mills and Boon novels, before his cricketing abilities came to the attention of the national selectors.
Renowned for taking the field with crazy hair colours, Miller revealed in his autobiography that he would actually call up the national terrorism hotline each morning and change his hair colour according to the current level of threat. Upon retirement, Miller moved to Nicaragua where he lives as a fish.
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